A Place To Talk - Divorce mediation on cape cod

 

A good friend of mine loves to say “everyone has a story”. With newly divorced people, or those in the midst of the process, it’s very true that everyone has a story they want to tell. And most have an expectation that they will get their day in court – that day when you finally get to tell yours. Much to my continued surprise, most of us are blindly led through the court process without ever being given that chance to tell our story. In my opinion, this critical piece in the healing process – the act of verbalizing your experience and being heard by your former spouse – is sadly lacking in the normal, contested divorce case. One of the greatest attributes of mediation is the concept of a place to talk. Trained mediators know full well how important this initial communication will be to ongoing, future relationships, especially when kids are present. And without the constraints of the limiting “rules of evidence”, without the fear of saying the wrong thing or admitting any weakness, both parties can work to clear themselves of the strong need to tell their story. Doing so can really change everything.

Ivy Wall Consult mediation practice provides just that environment to tell your story. I’m not here to judge you, but rather to help you to put aside those things that destroyed the marriage and to focus on your future. With a decided priority toward financial planning, the Ivy Wall process will allow you to Mediation a Place to Talkbe heard while moving forward. Economic realities and careful planning are more important and effective than the generic formulas and one-size-fits-all principles espoused by the Commonwealth of MA. Rather than hire a lawyer who will essentially make decisions for you, think for you, speak for you, and ultimately present your case to a judge (for you), this process features the simple art of communication. Speak, be heard, listen, and think. No pressure, private, confidential, and sensible. And all of this is done at your pace as opposed to the deli ticket approach afforded by the court.

Can it work for you even though you are fighting about every little thing? Absolutely. Do you have to be able to “get along” to mediate? Hardly. Regardless of your situation, mediation will work far better than attempting to communicate your story through a lawyer to a judge. In dealing with your former spouse face to face, you can get it all out in the open and under an agreement that makes sense and is livable. People don’t live in the courthouse where judges are forced to make decisions and issue rulings that are based mainly on snippets of your married life. People live in the real world with real dollars and real kids; real bills to pay and real emotions to deal with. I wonder what made us think that this court process could ever lead to logical answers to our problems and agreements that would endure. The court process does not work and those of us who have been through it can testify to the damage and destruction it causes.

Mediation is your chance to take back control of your life and to form a new relationship with your former spouse. A relationship that will work in the new dynamic of your life. Do it for your kids. Do it for your friends and family (who really don’t want to hear your story told for years on end). But most of all do it for yourself. Life is short, and wasting five years and tens of thousands of dollars on a process that is badly broken, is a shameful, destructive decision when compared to this alternative. Come and see how powerful it is to simply have a place to talk. Tell your story, hear your spouse, then move on. Reach an agreement that works for YOUR family and leave the generic , court-ordered decisions for someone else. These life decisions are yours. Make sure it stays that way!

"Learn To Respond, Not React."
- Budha’s Little Instruction Book, Jack Kornfield, Bantam Books