Divorce Mediation on Cape Cod

me•di•a•tion:
The act or process of mediating; especially : intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation, settlement, or compromise.

Divorce, or the end of a long-term relationship, is arguably the worst possible time to attempt to be equitable in negotiating the division of assets and custody of children. Emotions run high. Instinctually, parties tend to seek a lawyer. And not just any lawyer – when you are angry and wronged you want the meanest, baddest lawyer in the land! Friends and family will encourage this as a logical first step, as the perception of “winners and losers” will pervade in those early conversations. However, many couples do themselves a tremendous disservice by retaining a lawyer immediately; especially in terms of future co-parenting issues. At some point in time, all divorcing parties realize that there really were no “winners and losers”.

At its core, a marriage or long-term relationship is a contract between individuals to share lives, homes, assets and any issue resulting from the union. When both parties immediately retain attorneys, it places the parties in adversarial positions. Rather than working through an equitable settlement, lawyers will inevitably attempt to extract the maximum benefit for their client, as that is what they are primarily paid to do. Their job is to “zealously advocate” for their client. Of course, those of us who have been through this process can tell you that some of that “zealousness” will cause irreparable harm.

Divorce Mediation is a voluntary process whereby parties to the divorce or termination of an intimate relationship jointly agree to negotiate with each other in good faith, face to face. The settlement of the asset division, arrangements for custody and support of children, and many other issues are settled in a civilized manner, without litigation. The divorce mediator is not a lawyer. Rather he is an unbiased observer in the negotiations. His job is to facilitate. The focus of such mediation is equity and common sense. In most cases, the parties are able to recognize that the relationship has run its course and has come to an end. The job at hand is to re-write the terms of any future relationship between you, with the hope being that you move on to a new chapter in your healthy, productive life. By striving to minimize the adversarial stances, both parties will save time, heartache and money. Oftentimes, the savings in each of these areas can be quite substantial.

One of the greatest benefits of divorce mediation is the private and controlled manner in which it is conducted. Have you ever spent an hour in the Courthouse? If you have, you can certainly understand why this is so important. Under Massachusetts law, conversations held and negotiations undertaken in the presence of a qualified divorce mediator are protected from public display. This means that the divorce mediation process is completely confidential and can, at no time, be used in court as evidence. This prohibition includes any written materials generated during mediation as well as the mediator’s case file. Parties meet with the mediator on a schedule that they control. With the mediator’s assistance, financial analysis is performed and agendas are set for discussion of each of the issues necessary to craft a valid and enforceable divorce settlement. After a series of meetings, each with a specific goal, the mediator will draft a proposed memorandum of understanding for the parties to review. Often, parties will review this document with their own attorney to ensure that the agreements reached meet the legal requirements of the Commonwealth of MA. The final agreement becomes the basis for the divorce decree signed by the Judge.